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The guy gets his turn in the dating game

Today's guest column comes from a guy friend who demands equal time for his gender. So enjoy the viewpoint of Ms. Match Nola's counterpart, Mr. E-Date.

 

 

I am a guy who has dated my fair share of women, but at this point in my late 20s, I am absolutely ready to settle down when the right girl comes along. Most weekends, I go out to bars and clubs in search of Mrs. Right, optimistic that I will find the girl who has everything I look for. I often find a “girl du jour,” feel things out for a month or three, and then inevitably determine that she's not “marriage material.” While I admit that I'm picky, I also believe it is within my rights. After all, I am looking for the woman with whom I spend the rest of my life!

This brings me to a recurring quandary. I may be ready for Mrs. Right, but I also know that she will be incredibly difficult (and unlikely) to find in a bar. So what does that mean? Should I stop going out with my single friends and pursuing relationships that keep me occupied in the short term? Does it make me ingenuous if I subconsciously know this, but just want to have a good time with beautiful women? Or am I just helplessly falling into my own trap over and over again, and taking unsuspecting victims along for the ride?

This past weekend was a perfect illustration of my ongoing quandary. I accompanied a big group of friends to an outdoor festival, which was really just an excuse to drink copious amounts of beer on a Saturday afternoon. I met a beautiful girl through some mutual friends (we will call her “Sandy”), and we hit it off instantly. We spent a good portion of the afternoon together, drinking and flirting, and by the end of the day, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We exchanged phone numbers and agreed to meet again the next week.

Let’s fast forward to the following weekend. Sandy was out with her girlfriends on Saturday afternoon taking a painting class (where wine is also served). There was a lot of time for the girls to gossip, and apparently I was a frequent topic of conversation. I could have never anticipated what happened next: a deluge of unprompted, confrontational text messages.

  • Sandy: I feel like I can’t do this. It’s because of Jessica. Very shady of you.
  • Me: What are you talking about? I already told you about her.
  • Sandy: I didn’t realize how deep the history was.
  • Me: I told you it had gone on for a long time, but it was always on and off. I don’t even see why it’s relevant.
  • Sandy: I’m not trying to be mean, but this open book policy of yours is missing a few chapters…

As a little background info, Jessica is a mutual friend with whom I shared a few intimate moments. This conversation went on for quite some time before I picked up the phone and called Sandy. She cornered me and I continued to defend myself, even though I had done NOTHING WRONG, and, frankly, I felt that my prior relationship with Jessica was none of her business. She was impressed by my honesty and candidness, and I ended the conversation thinking that we had put this bump in the road behind us.

So fast forward two hours (and a few glasses of wine) later. Her tone has now changed drastically from confrontational to sexually forward. In so many words, she proposes that we meet up for a drink or two and then see where the night takes us. So what do I do now? This girl is throwing herself at me, a week after we met for the first time. Do I give into temptation,   even though I know drama will ensue and she’s probably not “the one”? Or do I make the mature decision and tell Sandy that we should slow things down? You don’t have to be a detective to guess what choice I made…

I am a man. I don’t make decisions with my brain, and this is a situation that I am all too familiar with. I have been honest and done NOTHING WRONG except give into temptation. Yet, when all is said and done, I will probably look like the villain and she will probably end up hating me. But isn’t it a two-way street? She kept finding reason after reason for us not to be intimate, and I never pushed it. All I did was tell the truth and defend my integrity. Then she became the aggressor, and I couldn’t resist.

There are lots of single women, and many of them have qualities that I find attractive in a mate. Yet finding the perfect girl seems nearly impossible. So what is a single guy like me to do? Forgo all intimacy until I am 100 percent sure that I have found Mrs. Right? Or play the field and be the villain in any short-lived intimate relationship?

The choice is not easy, and I don’t think there is one right answer. But there is one thing that I know to be true. When you become intimate with a woman, there is absolutely no going back. So if you give into temptation (and don’t commit long-term), be prepared to deal with the consequences.

You will have to end it eventually, and you will be the bad guy, even if you feel that you have done NOTHING WRONG. The choice is yours…

Ms. Match NOLA writes about dating and relationships in New Orleans for NolaVie -- and wants your input. Guest columns like the one above are considered. Send thoughts, suggestions, questions, observations and anecdotes on dating to [email protected].

Ms. Match NOLA writes about dating and relationships in New Orleans for NolaVie — and wants your input. Send thoughts, suggestions, questions, observations and anecdotes on dating to [email protected].