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NOLA Tinder types

Tinder is a mobile matchmaking app. It uses GPS and users’ Facebook profiles to match single people in a given area (you can choose a radius from 1 to 50 miles away). Upon viewing a profile, a user can either swipe right (accept) or left (reject). If the “accept” is mutual, you have a new “match” and can message one another.

It’s superficial, narcissistic, and delightfully entertaining.

And , as with everything else to do with dating, it does draw certain types. Over and over again. Particularly around here. So I give you this guide to a few unique species of gentlemen found within the New Orleans Tinder Radius.

fishboyFish Boy

Tagline: 6’4. I’m on a boat! And yes, I did catch that fish.

What it means: He wants you to know how tall he is. He may be overcompensating.

Pros: Chances are he knows how to cook and will offer to make you freshly caught fish.

Cons: He may smell like fish.

Where to meet him: On his yacht. The one in all his pictures. If he doesn’t actually have a yacht, don’t bother. There are many other fish-boys in the Tinder sea.

bachelorThe Bachelor

Tagline: In town for the weekend for a bachelor party looking for someone to show me a good time!

What it means: If you’re heading down Bourbon looking for a one-night-stand, I can be that guy for you.

Pros: He’ll definitely be gone by Monday morning.

Cons: He’ll definitely be gone by Monday morning.

Where to meet him: The piano bar at Pat O’s or Harrahs.

hunterThe Hunter-Gatherer

Tagline: Outdoors. Hunting. Drinking. Repeat.

What it means: I am a good ol’ boy.

Pros: If you’re into game-y meats, guns, and camo, he’s your man.

Cons: Dead animals hanging on the walls of his apartment; absent most weekends during hunting season.

Where to meet him: Cochon Butcher, Company Burger, the Joint, Dat Dog. Just sayin, this guy isn’t going anywhere with the word “vegan” on the menu.

selfieMr. Selfie

Tagline: I’ll tell mom we met at the library.

What it means: Despite my declared age of 24, I am actually 18 and live with my mother who will ask where we met when I break curfew to go out with you.

Pros: This guy will message you if you swipe right. Probably right away.

Cons: He will send you pictures of his abs and you will eventually block him.

Where to meet him: Somewhere that doesn’t card.

artisteThe Artiste

Tagline: Actor, Writer, Filmmaker, Poet, etc. in town for work. [Insert pretentious quote here].

What it means: Although his profile is a string of headshots and angst-prone professional photos, he is not A-list. Or even B-list. He may be an extra in that little indie film you’ll never hear about again.

Pros: He'll make you feel hip.

Cons: You’ll have to ask yourself: “Homeless or hipster?” when you meet him for the first time.

Where to meet him: You’ve probably never heard of it; it’s a pretty obscure place.

 

Tulane senior Maria Elena Smith is half Irish, half Italian and wholly New Orleanian. She is also an editorial intern at NolaVie. Email her [email protected]