Instajournal: Keep out
“For Rent” signs that advertise an apartment’s ghost-free status, paragraph-long store hours that might as well read “If we’re here, we’re here,” “Buy one drink for the price of two and get the second free” bar offers. Like its residents, New Orleans’ signage tends to be eccentric, weird, and, at times, downright nonsensical. And the postings for all things involving trespassing are, accordingly, no exception to the quirky trend.
Our city's version of "Keep Out" signs are not only entreatingly specific, but also indicative of the respective property owner's subliminal messages to passersby. Why stop with prohibiting loitering when you can demand said loiterers sit where they pay rent, right?
“No Parking,” “Private Property,” and “No Loitering," apparently, are not specific enough...
Subtext: If you must trespass, please steal the incessant yapper.
Subtext: "No, you cannot use our bathroom."
Subtext: If the dog doesn’t stop you the barbed wire and broken bottles should.
Subtext: Abbreviates “are” “r,” “you” “u,” and generally misspellz and kreates wordz for funsies.
Subtext: Received an email from the misspeller. Friendship over.
Subtext: Welcome to Crazy Town.
Subtext: Wears a fedora.
Subtext: “I recently invested in Rosetta Stone.”
Subtext: The dog is a teacup Yorkie who wears argyle sweater vests and rides in a purse.
Subtext: “I am redundant. And also redundant.”
Chelsea Lee is managing editor at NolaVie. Email comments to her at [email protected]