• ,

Instajournal: 20-something reasons it was the wrong weekend to become a vegetarian

When I moved to New Orleans six years ago, I arrived as a vegetarian, a foreign language the city's foodie scene isn't fluent in.

"Can you recommend any good vegetarian restaurants?" I once asked a concierge.

He handed me some menus: meat, meat, meat, and more meat.

"Where's the vegetarian part?" I asked.

He glanced down. "Chicken."

After six months of boring myself with approximately 87 redundant iterations of risotto, I gave up my vegetarian diet and embraced animal proteins.

Last weekend, at the Emeril Lagasse Foundation's annual benefit -- Boudin, Bourbon, and Beer -- I stumbled upon 40 or 50 edible reminders of just how fantastic carnivorous living in this city is. Needless to say, it was an exceptionally bad weekend to be a vegetarian. 

So you woke up Friday and decided to become a vegetarian. 

desktop

Then you travelled to meat Mecca.

The outdoor portion of the venue

The outdoor portion of the venue.

Rows of happy you'd have to abstain from.

bbb33

Mood stabilizers you couldn't taste.

Caribbean crab and coconut boudin blanc, leeks vinaigrette

Caribbean crab and coconut boudin blanc, leeks vinaigrette

I feel very sad for you.

Boudin noir

Boudin rogue

Your diet at the event consists of this

Bourbon cocktail

Bourbon cocktail

and this

More bourbon

More bourbon cocktails

 and probably what this woman is holding.

bbb26

You’re not sure if you should be more concerned about starving to death, coming down with scurvy, or being the most inebriated person at the benefit.

bbb2

 You hate all of these happy people.

The indoor portion of the venue

The indoor portion of the venue

Including Mario and his team of Luigis.

Mario Batali and "Luigis"

Mario Batali and "Luigis"

And this woman with a plate of something delicious.

bbb31

Why are they happy? Pork on pork on pork:

Muffaletta boudin, ciabatta roll, pear and cabbage slaw

Muffaletta boudin, ciabatta roll, pear and cabbage slaw

on a cracker,

Smoked pork shoulder, rice cracker

Smoked pork shoulder, rice cracker

on a bun,

Smoked pork and chorizo boudin, soft pretzel bun, creamy sider slaw

Smoked pork and chorizo boudin, soft pretzel bun, creamy sider slaw

in rice,

Boudin noir dirty rice

Boudin noir dirty rice

under squash.

abc

Boudin cotechino with cushaw squash and pecan marmellata

Heaven on brioche.

abc

One nibble couldn't hurt...

Jewish boudin with mustard and pickles

Jewish boudin with mustard and pickles

I mean, ducks are not nice animals. They bite.

abc

Duck boudin spring rolls with peanut ginger sauce

And harass small children and dogs.

abc

Louisiana sweet corn and smoked Chappapeela farms duck boudin

Let’s be honest, geese are just giant ducks.

Vietnamese báhn mi boudin: charred onion cilantro aioli, 'faux gras' pâté, bourbon smoked pickled jalepeños, spiced radish, lemongrass ash baguette

Vietnamese báhn mi boudin: charred onion cilantro aioli, 'faux gras' pâté, bourbon smoked pickled jalepeños, spiced radish, lemongrass ash baguette

And don’t even get me started on quails.

Boudin stuffed quail and spicy cane syrup

Boudin stuffed quail and spicy cane syrup

They’re basically pigeons.

Fried quail rillettes with popcorn rice porridge and crispy andouille

Fried quail rillettes with popcorn rice porridge and crispy andouille

 It doesn’t count if the meat is hidden.

Fried bacon berry sandwiches

Fried bacon berry sandwiches

 Or lodged beneath something vegetarian.

smoked pork and andouille gumbo, creole potato salad

Smoked pork and andouille gumbo, creole potato salad

Or stuffed inside of a fruit.

abc

Chorizo boudin stuffed dates

Screw it. You eat meat again.

abc

Grilled country sausage

To see more of  our insta-images, follow NolaVie on Instagram. 

Chelsea Lee is assistant editor of NolaVie. Email comments to her at [email protected]

Chelsea Lee is managing editor at NolaVie. Email comments to her at [email protected]