How's Bayou? Are you smarter than an iPad mini?
I don't think so. Not after last night, a bewildering first date at an Apple Store workshop.
This thing is wise beyond its size.
Mind you, it's brand new, and only knows my name because I had to type it in before it would even communicate with me, much less let me hitch a ride on its much-vaunted iCloud.
Millie was determined to loosen my grip on my original iPhone, now just creaking along as it allows a tap of my earlobe to turn on the mute function, frustrating caller after caller as I drone on, not realizing they're begging me to cease my drivel and let them get on with their lives.
Her solution: A light-as-a-feather iPad mini as my early Christmas gift, to force me to upgrade to a phone that could participate in this madness through all kinds of links.
About this cloud: Do you recall looking up at the sky as a kid and picking out shapes? Did anyone see the same thing you did? Were you the one who saw things you'd rather not owl edge (this being auto-correct's response to my mistyping the word acknowledge)?
Suppose the Sierra Club found its way into my little corner of the cloud and decided I wanted to edge owls out of their natural habitats? The results could be chilling.
Danny, our endlessly cheerful and enthusiastic workshop leader, allayed our fears, and I began to realIze that this gadget is just more intellectual than I and is only trying to be helpful.
When I typed in "cannot calculate," it came up with "Conan Caligula" (note helpful caps). It decided Attlee (as in British prime minister at the end of World War II) was more upbeat than Attic (as in Ancient Greek peninsula/war). To its great credit, it accepted Theseus as hero of the conflict without suggesting any changes.
It even flaunted its familiarity with 18th-century French philosophers, replacing debtor with d'etre.
How can you compete with such an adversary?
I gave up and concentrated on how Danny kept channeling Leonardo da Vinci's (never refer to the artist as simply "da Vinci," his hometown) portrait of St. John the Baptist with the mysterious up-pointing finger (n.b. index, not middle, digit of right hand).
The link occurred as my mind wandered to that other Leonardo (di Caprio), the facade of whose residence in "Django (accepted with no change) Unchained" was based on Madewood, much to my dismay.
My only victory of the evening, at last: Does the iPad mini distinguish between the two Leonardos?
I think not . . . But I don't want to put it to the test.
Ed. Note: The NolaVie editor wishes to note that her iPad does not auto-correct with the names of Roman emperors or British prime ministers. The fact that the article writer's mini iPad does so may well be traced to the fact that he is a Rhodes Scholar.
How’s Bayou? the secrets of remaining sane while running an upscale B&B on Bayou Lafourche, is written weekly for NolaVie by Keith Marshall, a former Rhodes Scholar and graduate of Yale and Oxford universities who now runs Madewood Plantation House in Napoleonville.