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Comments you won't hear from a trueNew Orleanian

My daughter recently told me about a sign she’d seen on a trip to Seattle: “No open containers!” You’d never see that in New Orleans. Which started a conversation about what other public signs you’d never see in the Big Easy. “Litterbugs will be prosecuted,” maybe. Or, “All counters open at this DMV office.” If you see any not-in-New Orleans signs on your summer travels, send them our way, to [email protected] Meanwhile, this meandering train of thought (can you tell it’s almost summertime in the city?) popped up again when I read a recent Time Out Chicago article. With apologies to “51 Things You’ll Never Hear a Chicagoan Say,” I offer the following.

36 THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A NEW ORLEANIAN SAY

“But black doesn’t really go with gold.”

“There’s too much garlic in this.”

“Let’s go hear some music in Fat City.”

“The streetcar will be here in 10. They really run on time.”

drewbrees

“Drew who?”

 "I would like mine with lettuce, tomato and mayonnaise."

“Hold the powdered sugar on those beignets.”

“Love the smooth ride on these streets.”

"Why is that guy wearing a red dress?"

“Let’s go by carriage.”

“I’m not eating here – it’s a dive.”

“Hurry up – we have to get there on time.”

"Everybody speaks French here."

“You’ve got to be kidding – you want to go hear somebody play the trombone?”

drink

“We don’t need straws. We’re drinking these daiquiris at home.”

“You pronounce it N’Awlins.”

“I got a reduction in my assessment.”

“Let’s have some crayfish. And pray-lines.”

“Hold the Tabasco.”

"Let's go for a hike."

“I just love August in the city.”

“I’m planning my wedding and it’s the same night that LSU plays Alabama.”

“I’ll just be a quick minute – I have an errand in City Hall.”

"Excuse me waiter, but these oysters are raw."

"Tchoup -a- what? Is that sign in English?"

"Where's the nearest Olive Garden?"

tutu

“I’ve never worn a tutu.”

“That City Council/Sewerage and Water Board/Department of Public Works really gets things done.”

“Just park here for the parade/Jazz Fest; they’ won’t tow you.”

"Let's flash for some beads."

"I could really go for a snow cone."

"Why are these lobsters so small?"

"Ugh, there are seriously not enough modernized Vietnamese-influenced restaurants in this city."

"New Orleans is known for its excellent public transportation network."

"New Orleans could really use a new music, food or neighborhood festival."

“Let’s go to Bourbon Street!”

ADD TO THE LIST with the #NOToverheardinNOLA hashtag!

 

Renee Peck is editor of NolaVie. Email her at [email protected]