Bar shots

It’s almost hump day happy hour and you could use a bar shot. Maybe two or three. Right now. At your desk. From that little canister holding your ballpoint pens. Unfortunately, the last person who did that is currently at home watching day time television in his bathrobe eating a soggy bowl of Froot Loops.

As you await the strike of 5 o’clock, NolaVie is bringing the bar to you. Each Wednesday we will feature a new set of snapshots from a New Orleans bar, as told by your local bartenders — because the only thing stranger than New Orleanians are New Orleanians when they’re drinking:

• Sir, it’s loud in here and I’m very busy. Would it have been that much trouble to say “tanqueray and tonic” instead of “tank and tonic” so I would know what the f you’re asking for? This rule also applies to g n’ t’s. Is gin and tonic that hard to say?
• Hey there, sleepy head. Yes, you, there on the fifth stool. The two girls you’re talking to right now aren’t interested in you. Not because you’re ugly or unsuccessful or you’re not funny. It’s because two minutes ago you were snoring. Judge not lest ye be judged yourself, I suppose.
• Three years of bartending has taught me that all it really takes to make most women happy is Hall & Oates, Billy Joel, and a vodka soda. Prince doesn’t hurt either.
• So Santa Claus, an elf, and a turkey walk into the bar. No, seriously they just did. Wtf?

Check back next Wednesday for another round of bar shots.