A New Orleanian's resume: Folwell Dunbar 2.0 (16)
Editor's Note: Being from or living in New Orleans means having skills unlike other people. If resumes weren't about educational degrees, job experiences, or recognized accomplishments, they could really highlight personal skills. To start off our resumes of New Orleans, we present NolaVie contributor and New Orleans resident Folwell Dunbar.
- I have more than 400 friends on Facebook! And, I actually know many of them.
- I listen to NPR -- a lot. I named my pet salamander Terry Gross; whenever I mention Accra, the capital of Ghana, I try to say it like Ofeibea Quist-Arcton; and I always follow the advice of The Writer’s Almanac: “Be well, do good work and keep in touch.”
- According to my fitness tracker, I sometimes exceed my workout goals!
- I possess at least three of the seven habits of highly effective people.
- Even though I have cable, I often watch PBS. (OK, my wife and I sometimes watch Downton Abbey.)
- I have a Subscription to Mental Floss.
- Most of the time I choose paper over plastic.
- I can often be found working in coffee shops.
- My LinkedIn profile was “viewed” eight times in just one week!
- I use Apple products.
- I can follow at least 48 percent of what Fared Zakaria is talking about.
- I once posted an update to Facebook that got nearly 40 "likes"!
- I submit letters to the editor. Some get published. Mostly online.
- I won Josh Groban tickets for being caller number four.
- To save water, I sometimes pee outside. (Note: It also sets a good example for my dog CeCe.)
- I have a library card.
- Millennials say I’m very “intentional.”
- I know other documentary filmmakers besides Ken Burns.
- I once owned property in Atlantic City.*
- I fell off the world’s highest active volcano, Cotopaxi, and lived to tell about it.
- I recently saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
- I write limericks.
- People tell me that my impression of a cat coughing up a hairball is spot on.
- I received a “Certificate of Completion” for reading Jon Stewart’s book, America. I am now “fully qualified to practice, participate in or found a democracy.”
- I know a lot of trivia, especially about animals and geography.
- I actually read Finnegan Wake and The Power and the Glory. OK, I read several pages and then got the CliffsNotes. OK, even after reading the CliffsNotes, I had no idea what they were about. OK, maybe I should remove this one from my resume?
- I rarely confuse then and than, further and farther, or there, their and they’re.
- I once felt my phone vibrating in my pocket even though it wasn’t there.
- I used to read the articles** in Playboy. Even before they went mainstream.
- I have endorsements on LinkedIn for pirogue paddling, cuy (guinea pig) husbandry and Dutch oven cooking.
- I have a man bun.
- At a bar in Durham, North Carolina, I’ve had the high score in Galaga for more than 20 years!
- I’m considering going back to vinyl.
- I get mostly favorable reviews when I stay in airbnb's.
- I have my own hashtag.
- I adopted a goat and three chickens from Heifer International.
- I sometimes watch films that were originally screened at Sundance and Cannes. One time I even watched a foreign film that had subtitles!
- I eat kale.
- Though I’ve never won, I often compete in the New Yorker’s Caption Contest.***
- I only log in to ESPN in the workplace during the Saints season, Grand Slam tennis events, PTI, MMA title bouts, and all major badminton tournaments.
- I am a longstanding member of the prestigious Hair Club for Men.
- I hang out in neighborhoods that haven’t yet been discovered.
- Except for similes, I, you know, rarely use the term, “like.”
- I once castrated a sheep with my teeth. True story. No, I’m not proud.****
* While playing Monopoly.
** Limited to the Joel Stein column, the Pigskin Preview and cartoons.
*** I think it’s rigged!
**** Strangely, he didn’t seem to mind.
Folwell Dunbar is an educator and artist. He is currently looking for a job. He can be hired at email@example.com.
Folwell Dunbar is a New Orleans educator, artist and survivor of many things, from roaches to German U-boats and heartbreak. He is putting together a collection of these short stories and survival tales called He Falls Well (his name is pronounced “fall well”). NolaVie is honored to preview some of those stories here. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.